every book i read during my manic episode

last september, i thought it was a great idea to go off my anti-psychotics. it was not a great idea. however, i read a lot of books that month because i was manic as hell, so here are some thoughts about them.

1. keeping a nature journal by clare walker leslie

this book is a huge stand-out for me. i did not seek it out in particular, but started reading it during a boring shift (early in the med-escapade) wherein i was browsing the library’s nonfiction ebook selection. i am not nearly as well-acquainted with nature as i would like, and this book posits that you can start a nature journaling practice to get in touch with the nature around you. it’s both beautiful and practical, giving you a real basis for HOW to observe things, which i appreciated as someone who didn’t even have an inkling of where to start.

despite my tendency to plan stuff but not do it, i really did do some nature journaling. however, rather than what the book suggests (bringing your journal out with you to sketch) i took some photos of plants while i was out running errands, and came back home and drew them, made notes on them, and even painted them with watercolors. it was awesome and i’m really proud of it. (i shan’t be sharing it in the interest of not doxxing myself, sorry!) while i respect the book’s recommended practice of drawing/identifying stuff in the moment to hone your observation and drawing skills, i was personally glad to have the photographs.

2. urban magick by diana rajchel

seemingly in contrast with the nature journaling book— but not really at all— is rajchel’s book about being a city witch. she writes from the perspective of someone who has taken multiple cities under her magical wing, while also respecting the choices of people who want to witch in other ways. as a city witch who LOVES being in my (very) modest urban center, i appreciated her insight.

in particular, she has some really interesting stuff on shielding that i would recommend to anyone witchy. however, she demonstrated in a few mentions that she has NO idea what chaos magic is, and seems to think it has to do with working WITH some sort of force of chaos.

3. monstrilio by gerardo samano cordova

i finished monstrilio and, while it wasn’t perfect, i desperately wanted to read another book exactly like it. i started some other stuff (not on this list), but i found myself wishing it was just monstrilio again.

i found the ending to be a LITTLE too tidy, but i don’t fault the author for that— i just feel like it would be a perfect book, 5/5, if the ending had been as complex as everything leading up to it.

4. breaking the curse by alex difrancesco

this one seemed to be designed for me! witchy transgender survivor writes about their mental health journey. however, in practice, i didn’t find it as inspiring as the other stuff on this list, possibly BECAUSE it was territory that i had so intimately traversed. i do recommend it for others, but it was not my favorite manic episode read.

5. the collected schizophrenias by esme weijun wang

i read this because i heard it had a description of cotard’s syndrome (the belief that oneself is dead) and it did not disappoint. wang is both a thoughtful mental health advocate and a brilliant essay writer, and i appreciated her perspective on things that are close to my experience.

6. the autistic’s guide to self-discovery by sol smith

i read this entire book because i was waiting to get to the part where the autistic in question (me) gets advice on discovering himself. i did not get it, to my satisfaction anyway. i do not recommend.

7. the bog wife by kay chronister

i write this six months after my manic episode, and i am still thinking about this book.

in it, a set of siblings in a remote bog discover the truth about their mother, who their father claims to have come out of the bog itself. i had several experiences while reading where my blood ran cold. the ending is both unexpected AND immensely satisfying.

read it so you can talk about it with me!

8. the starving saints by caitlin starling

in a castle under siege, beautiful and enchanting gods suddenly appear at the gates, sending the castle into a cannibalistic frenzy. bonus for lesbian triad.

i am pretty squeamish, but at no point did i find the cannibalism to be “too much.” however, your mileage may vary, especially if it’s a topic you’re sensitive to.

9. the death of jane lawrence by caitlin starling

i enjoyed starving saints so much that i decided to read something else by caitlin starling. unfortunately, i was very disappointed— the worldbuilding was amazing but paid almost NO attention, and the similarity to starving saints was WAY too close. starling apparently has a couple of things that haunt her narratives, which is fine, but i did not enjoy this one— especially so soon after the other.

if you’re gonna read one or the other, read starving saints.

10. hungerstone by kat dunn

“aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you just wanna go apeshit?” is the meme that kept replaying in my head as i read this. a retelling of carmilla (which i have not read!) with absolutely delicious character dynamics and ALSO cannibalism (which i found to be harder-hitting than starving saints’).

i was pretty far into my manic episode when i read this (it was JUST before the downturn into depression) and i just laid in bed processing the end for like, HOURS. seriously. don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

okay other stuff

if you’d like to keep up with my reading adventures, i am planning on posting my thoughts to substack notes, but you can also add me on storygraph!

as always, to keep up with all my projects, check out linktr.ee/bugtourmaline!